Need advice? Call these older folks for tips on love, dating

Article content

The residents of Misericordia Place, a care home in Winnipeg, have decades worth of wisdom to offer. They’ve had successful careers and 57-year-long marriages. They have raised children and perfected their moose-hunting techniques. And this knowledge has inspired a new project from the residents: the Misericordia Place Life Advice Line.

Article content

You can call 204-788-8060 and hear prerecorded messages from the residents on various topics. Press 1 for Carl’s advice on following your dreams. Press 3 for Randy’s wisdom on how to grow in new ways (he joined some clubs and got a girlfriend). Press 4 for guidance on surviving Winnipeg winters (if possible, don’t be there). Press 0 for Cheryl’s tips on being true to yourself (“it’s you who has to live with yourself later”).

Article content

Recommended Videos

Article content

A woman who is 97 years old advises to brush your teeth, Maurice does his best moose calls, and Geraldine recalls a tip she got as a girl: “Don’t wear a sleeveless blouse. Men can look down your armpit.”

The project – which went live last week – came from the facility’s artists-in-residence, Natalie Baird and Toby Gillies, who would hear stories from the residents while they were making art with them. They started recording the stories and editing them down, then giving them back to the residents and their families as keepsakes.

Article content

Article content

That sparked the idea to bring some of these pearls of wisdom to the public in Canada and beyond.

“When you’re doing visual art-making with people, it’s very disarming. It makes people feel really comfortable,” Gillies said.

One side of the Misericordia Health Centre is more like a hospital and the other side is a long-term care home, and the artists work on both sides.

“It was very gratifying to be asked for my opinion about anything, really,” Cheryl Towers, 58, said about working on the hotline. Towers has been struggling with multiple sclerosis, congestive heart disease and arthritis. She wanted to emphasize to young people that no one knows how long they have.

“You just don’t know what’s coming, so if you’re going to do something you’d better do it. And quick,” Towers said. Despite her health struggles, Towers has found another chapter of her life making art at Misericordia, painting and drawing and pressing flowers. Her room is full of her art projects and pictures of her family, the walls covered from floor to ceiling in color.

Article content

“People have said, wow, you have a great room, or oh, this is really neat,” Towers said. “So people enjoy it, and I think that’s good. But I didn’t do it for them, I did it for me.”

“I’m very, very happy doing what I’m doing because I never had the chance to go ahead and become very arty when I was raising my daughter. I did not have the ability or the time to pursue my own interests. So now I can, and it’s wonderful,” she added.

Continuing to grow as you age was a recurring theme in the advice from residents. Randy Jestin talked about learning the value of paying attention and listening to people, especially children.

“I never paid attention until I turned 50,” Jestin said. “And I realized I missed a lot, especially when it came to my children’s early growing-up years. I was too busy earning money and trying to get things done and I didn’t listen to what their real needs were. Children don’t want a lot. But they want support, they want caring, they want understanding, and, when they’re having a bad time, they need sympathy. They need a place where they can talk without being judged.”

Article content

Jestin lost his wife when he was in his 40s and eventually he quit his job to stay home with his daughters for five years when they were teenagers. He said they loved having him around – most days.

“My daughter once said, ‘You’re the most annoying man in the entire world!’ I said yeah, but that’s because I love you,” Jestin said.

Jestin has continued to prioritize learning new things as he grows older, because of the sense of accomplishment it gives him.

“You should never be afraid to learn,” he said.

Elaine Clifton, 80, recently celebrated her 57th wedding anniversary. When asked for her advice, she offered some thoughts on falling – and staying – in love.

“When I first met my husband,” Clifton says on the hotline, “He asked me to marry him, and I just looked at him. And I said, ‘Oh, I’m very very sorry, I can’t because I don’t even know you.’” He asked her again two years later, and she threw herself into his arms and said “yes.”

Article content

“Just treat each other with respect and kindness,” she said about making love last. “Once you’ve fallen in love, don’t look around everywhere for anybody else because you’ve found the right one.”

Baird and Gillies said they’re grateful they’ve gotten to know the residents and hear their wisdom. That feeling is something they hope to share through the hotline. They plan to update the hotline offerings so people can continue to call in and get fresh advice.

“We both live in the same neighbourhood as the hospital. And I think we’ve always seen the people who live there as our neighbors,” Baird explained. “Just trying to find creative ways to connect with people who maybe are only leaving the building for medical appointments, and otherwise they’re really staying in their room.”

Baird is taking the advice from the residents to heart. “Overwhelmingly, a lot of people, their advice was really to be part of your community and to find out how you can help,” she said.

One nugget of wisdom, a gem Bill recalled from his father, goes back decades (perhaps centuries?) but is just as relevant today: “Don’t waste your time, don’t have a schoolyard fight. That doesn’t get you anywhere.”

Article content