DEAR ABBY: Woman resists her own attempts to go to church

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a twice-divorced woman who has no children. I was raised by two deeply religious parents (now deceased) who attended church every Sunday and took me along. I regularly attended church until 15 years ago. At that time, my dad was dying, and I was dating a man I often had brunch and spent time with on Sundays. That man and I broke up 2 1/2 years ago.

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I’ve recently started thinking I should start back to church. I went once about six weeks ago but haven’t returned. I keep finding excuses not to go, such as I can’t get up early enough on Sunday morning, or I like spending time at home with my cats, or I’m too tired after working all week, etc. I keep wondering how much of my guilt over not going is because of how I was raised, or if it’s just that I think I should go.

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Is it a sin not to go to church? I’ve never stopped believing in God, I pray and read the Bible occasionally, and I read a daily devotion every morning. This has me so confused. Please advise. — OUT OF CHURCH IN TENNESSEE

DEAR OUT: People attend religious services for various reasons. Some do it because it’s how they were brought up or because they enjoy the sense of community and the sermon. Others do it because they want to be seen.

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Some churches have strict doctrine, while others are not bound to rigid dogma. In some denominations, it may be considered a sin not to go. However, I don’t think you should force yourself to attend a religious service for any reason other than you think you need it. If you believe in God and read a daily devotion every morning, it may be enough for you.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from “Joanna” for 30 years, but we have remained friends and have two children. I met my girlfriend, “Debbie,” 20 years ago, but seven years went by before we dated. Debbie is 20 years younger than I. She wanted kids and I did not, so she moved on with another man.

After a couple of years of living alone, and after the death of Joanna’s boyfriend, I allowed Joanna to rent a bedroom in my house. (I needed the money.) A few years later, Debbie and I ended up back together. Debbie wanted to move in, so she did.

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Now that we have all lived together for a couple of years, the only problem we have is Debbie’s attitude about Joanna, who happens to be very pleasant. (Joanna keeps to herself, in her room.) Debbie also has a bad attitude when my kids visit. She makes them feel uncomfortable. I love Debbie, but she is making a simple life difficult for no good reason. What do you advise? — ONE OF THREE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ONE: Tell Debbie that Joanna is renting a room in your house because you NEED THE MONEY. Tell her that you don’t like the fact that she makes your kids feel uncomfortable when they visit. Unless she can manage an immediate 180-degree attitude adjustment, she has to leave. Set a date and then stick to it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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